I read something similar, but in the context of postpartum - their premise like yours was don't offer to show-up, just show-up.
I love this guide though, because as you know until you have walked in those shoes you not only have no idea what the griever is going through, but also no idea of where to start helping. This is the maps, we all need, because as you counsel, we will all need it, sooner or later.
Thank you for this post. It reminded me of my recent experience. I went through a challenging period of grief that lasted several months, leaving me utterly drained. Moving to a new neighborhood during this time made it even harder, as I didn't know anyone. I know that will eventually change, however feeling isolated in moments when you feel particularly emotionally raw can be incredibly hard.
What you said about the mindset of those who are grieving really speaks to the experiences of individuals dealing with severe depression or PTSD as well. Our brains can feel so overwhelmed that simple decisions become daunting. During my struggle with severe PTSD symptoms, even deciding what to eat felt impossible, let alone considering how others might help me. These are genuine crises, and while they may not always be life or death, they certainly compromise our ability to function. As you highlighted, attention can be pulled in so many directions, and I often found myself in survival mode, just trying to get through each day.
At one point, I reached out for crisis intervention after spending hours driving around aimlessly. Unfortunately, my experience was disheartening. I felt that the personnel didn’t truly grasp what I was going through. I found it difficult to eat or sleep, yet their focus was to offer medication. What I needed, more than anything, was someone to talk to—a compassionate ear. Instead, I was given the option to speak with someone remotely on a computer screen. In that moment, I desperately craved a face to face connection with a warm presence, even if it was just for half an hour.
I’ve found therapy beneficial in the past. But this experience opened my eyes to how much more we need to do to heal our communities. It's heartbreaking to realize that when you’re new to a place, without established relationships, it can feel as though no one cares. In these challenging moments, it would mean so much to simply ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you feeling sad?” You don't have to be a trained therapist to extend compassion to others. A little kindness and understanding can go a long way in helping someone who is hurting.
SO many great observations in this Anna. Thank you for sharing about your recent grief around moving to a new neighborhood. Most don’t realize this kind of major life upheaval absolutely is a “loss” to be grieved. That doesn’t mean you won’t adjust and acclimate but your feelings of sadness, exhaustion, melancholy… very natural.
I hope you’ve found at least one or two people who know to ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you feeling sad?” If not, I hope you’ll keep looking. As disheartening as it can be, we have to keep trying. Something that helped me in this particular area was Jennie Allen’s book Find Your People. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it.
Good luck and God bless you on your journey Anna 🩵
Amazing piece and list Jennifer!!
I read something similar, but in the context of postpartum - their premise like yours was don't offer to show-up, just show-up.
I love this guide though, because as you know until you have walked in those shoes you not only have no idea what the griever is going through, but also no idea of where to start helping. This is the maps, we all need, because as you counsel, we will all need it, sooner or later.
A true gift here Jennifer.
Thank you!
Thank you so much 🙏 I really appreciate your kind comments and feedback ❤️
Thank you for this post. It reminded me of my recent experience. I went through a challenging period of grief that lasted several months, leaving me utterly drained. Moving to a new neighborhood during this time made it even harder, as I didn't know anyone. I know that will eventually change, however feeling isolated in moments when you feel particularly emotionally raw can be incredibly hard.
What you said about the mindset of those who are grieving really speaks to the experiences of individuals dealing with severe depression or PTSD as well. Our brains can feel so overwhelmed that simple decisions become daunting. During my struggle with severe PTSD symptoms, even deciding what to eat felt impossible, let alone considering how others might help me. These are genuine crises, and while they may not always be life or death, they certainly compromise our ability to function. As you highlighted, attention can be pulled in so many directions, and I often found myself in survival mode, just trying to get through each day.
At one point, I reached out for crisis intervention after spending hours driving around aimlessly. Unfortunately, my experience was disheartening. I felt that the personnel didn’t truly grasp what I was going through. I found it difficult to eat or sleep, yet their focus was to offer medication. What I needed, more than anything, was someone to talk to—a compassionate ear. Instead, I was given the option to speak with someone remotely on a computer screen. In that moment, I desperately craved a face to face connection with a warm presence, even if it was just for half an hour.
I’ve found therapy beneficial in the past. But this experience opened my eyes to how much more we need to do to heal our communities. It's heartbreaking to realize that when you’re new to a place, without established relationships, it can feel as though no one cares. In these challenging moments, it would mean so much to simply ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you feeling sad?” You don't have to be a trained therapist to extend compassion to others. A little kindness and understanding can go a long way in helping someone who is hurting.
SO many great observations in this Anna. Thank you for sharing about your recent grief around moving to a new neighborhood. Most don’t realize this kind of major life upheaval absolutely is a “loss” to be grieved. That doesn’t mean you won’t adjust and acclimate but your feelings of sadness, exhaustion, melancholy… very natural.
I hope you’ve found at least one or two people who know to ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you feeling sad?” If not, I hope you’ll keep looking. As disheartening as it can be, we have to keep trying. Something that helped me in this particular area was Jennie Allen’s book Find Your People. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it.
Good luck and God bless you on your journey Anna 🩵