Beautifully written and potentially life-changing for anyone who reads this piece and puts your action steps into practice.
In the self-help reading I’ve done, the general theme that we tend see and relate to others & the world the way we see & relate to ourselves comes up often, either stated as such directly or in variants such as “we can’t truly love others unless & until we love ourselves.”
If you accept that as true, then for those of us who struggle with feelings of low self-worth, who have inner critics that are loud, cruel, and ever-present voices that are quick to remind us of our faults, weaknesses, and everything we’ve ever done wrong: learning to forgive ourselves may be just as important as — and possibly a prerequisite to — forgiving others.
Thank you for the book recommendation — I just ordered it. Declawing the inner critic is probably the area of personal growth where I’ve made the least (or least durable) progress so I’m always grateful for new angles I can come at it from.
I was actually just talking about the inner critic with my therapist earlier in the week and one thing she suggested was to give it a name. I think the idea is that if it has a name, it will seem less like a God-like voice dispensing universal truth about my shortcomings, regrets, and imperfections, which is how I experience it when I get so immersed in my thoughts that I forget that I can choose my reaction to that voice.
In any case, apologies for the language, but I named my inner critic “asshole.” Deliberately lowercase as a marker of disrespect. And also because I tend to see mental images of words and sentences in my head as part of my inner monologue and “Shut up, asshole” just looks both more normal and more dismissive than “Shut up, Asshole.” Finally, it’s easy to remember and good for a wry inward smile when I use it.
I’m so glad you ordered the book! (Don’t be like me and keep it on your bedside table for months before actually reading it 😳)
Vasavi Kumar (author of Say It Out Loud) recommends naming your inner critic too. She takes it a step farther because at least in her case she had different critics with different personalities so she had to get comfortable with all of them before she could begin to learn from them without being hurt in the process.
Here’s just one of many quotes I highlighted in the book:
“Every time you are triggered, you’re being given an opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level. You have the chance to heal a wound that has opened up by actually checking in with yourself and interrogating what you’re experiencing.”
Good luck Refenestrated! Let me know how it goes 🤓
Beautifully written and potentially life-changing for anyone who reads this piece and puts your action steps into practice.
In the self-help reading I’ve done, the general theme that we tend see and relate to others & the world the way we see & relate to ourselves comes up often, either stated as such directly or in variants such as “we can’t truly love others unless & until we love ourselves.”
If you accept that as true, then for those of us who struggle with feelings of low self-worth, who have inner critics that are loud, cruel, and ever-present voices that are quick to remind us of our faults, weaknesses, and everything we’ve ever done wrong: learning to forgive ourselves may be just as important as — and possibly a prerequisite to — forgiving others.
Thank you so much @Refenestrated. I truly appreciate your thoughtful comments and feedback.
Being able to forgive yourself is absolutely critical to being able to forgive others and also as you said to quiet your inner critic.
A wonderful book you might be interested in, for managing and quieting your inner critic, is Say it Out Loud by Vasavi Kumar. I highly recommend it.
Thank you for the book recommendation — I just ordered it. Declawing the inner critic is probably the area of personal growth where I’ve made the least (or least durable) progress so I’m always grateful for new angles I can come at it from.
I was actually just talking about the inner critic with my therapist earlier in the week and one thing she suggested was to give it a name. I think the idea is that if it has a name, it will seem less like a God-like voice dispensing universal truth about my shortcomings, regrets, and imperfections, which is how I experience it when I get so immersed in my thoughts that I forget that I can choose my reaction to that voice.
In any case, apologies for the language, but I named my inner critic “asshole.” Deliberately lowercase as a marker of disrespect. And also because I tend to see mental images of words and sentences in my head as part of my inner monologue and “Shut up, asshole” just looks both more normal and more dismissive than “Shut up, Asshole.” Finally, it’s easy to remember and good for a wry inward smile when I use it.
P.S. “asshole” sounds fitting for your critic
I’m so glad you ordered the book! (Don’t be like me and keep it on your bedside table for months before actually reading it 😳)
Vasavi Kumar (author of Say It Out Loud) recommends naming your inner critic too. She takes it a step farther because at least in her case she had different critics with different personalities so she had to get comfortable with all of them before she could begin to learn from them without being hurt in the process.
Here’s just one of many quotes I highlighted in the book:
“Every time you are triggered, you’re being given an opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level. You have the chance to heal a wound that has opened up by actually checking in with yourself and interrogating what you’re experiencing.”
Good luck Refenestrated! Let me know how it goes 🤓