A Simple yet Powerful Tool for Coping with Grief
Gifts
In the early evening on Day 2 of planning my son's funeral, the doorbell rang and I opened it to find 4 of my close neighborhood friends who I hadn’t seen since they got the news about Jackson.
They came rushing in and we crumpled to the ground crying on the cold tile in the entryway.
I can't remember what anyone said... I just remember feeling so glad they came. They must have been nervous, not sure how to act or what to say, but they came anyway.
And they brought 2 special gifts.
Perspective on Life and Death
The 1st gift was a story called "Waterbugs and Dragonflies" by Doris Hickney. It's a parable of the afterlife.
The waterbugs scurry around in the mud and muck of the pond (life on earth) but eventually they crawl to the surface (the afterlife) and transform into dragonflies.
They don't want to leave their waterbug family and friends but as they try to re-enter the pond, they find they can't go back. They realize someday their loved ones will become dragonflies too. And so they fly off into their beautiful new world of sunshine and air.
After reading the story I remember saying, “I don’t want Jackson to be a dragonfly. I want him to be a waterbug and be here with me!”
But thinking of him enjoying his new life as a dragonfly, soaring the skies in the "beyond" was a comfort to me.
Coping Through Connection
The 2nd gift was a necklace with a James Avery dragonfly charm. I wore this necklace every single day for at least a year.
Throughout the day, I would reach up to rub the charm in between my thumb and index finger, and press it against my skin, close to my heart… remembering my beautiful boy and telling him, “I love you. I miss you. Stay close. Help me.”
Here's a picture of me and my sisters. I wish you could see it better but this was taken back in the day of printed photos so the quality is meh. Anyway, that's me in the middle wearing my special necklace. It gave me solace and helped me cope in the darkest days of early grief.
The Tool - Transitional Objects
I later learned this type of item is considered a transitional object or a linking object - a physical object that helps you remember your loved one and honor the life that was lived. It also helps you to feel a continued connection to your loved one.
I've loved dragonflies ever since. I have dragonfly paraphernalia everywhere... pictures, paintings, yard ornaments, journals, and lots more jewelry.
On a girls trip to Vegas about 5 years after his death, I even got a dragonfly tattoo. I never thought I’d get a tattoo but… things change.
Lasting Impact
If you've never seen my website, the dragonfly is the focal point of my business logo. (BTW, you might want to take a quick peak... with the help of the brilliant Susan Reoch, I made some pretty awesome updates recently.)
The dragonfly is a symbol of MANY things to many different people. For me it represents hope, strength, endurance, transformation, and eternal connection.
So what about you?
Do you have anything that reminds you of your loved one and helps you feel connected to them? Or did you have someone do something special for you after your loved one died that had a lasting impact?
I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message.
P.S. Linking objects - physical objects that help you remember your loved one and help you to feel connected - they're not only helpful if you're missing someone who died. My daughter went off to college and sometimes I have days where I miss her extra and/or I'm worried about her and I'll get out her childhood teddy bear and sleep with it. It’s quite soothing and comforting.
Or maybe you’d rather…
If not, no worries! I’m glad you’re here 😊
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