Are you compelled to work tirelessly at something that makes no sense?

Here's why that might not be so crazy after all.

I’ve been “this close” to giving up on my job SO many times. I’m a life coach and grief specialist. I’ve been busting my ass doing this job for 6+ years.

I’ve learned a bazillion things but have not made “enough” money or progress. If I didn’t have a house that’s paid for and a savings account (that’s almost depleted by the way) and side jobs… I’d be bankrupt.

I don’t know why I’m still doing this. I’m compelled. I’m crazy. I’m stupid. Stupid feels the most accurate. Why would anyone work this hard with so little to show for it?

I remember writing about quitting in 2020, when Elise was here on her year abroad. I probably wrote the exact same thing I wrote just now. My “quitting” lasted a day or two, maybe. Since then I’ve hit the wall various times but continued to get up and do all the things I told myself I’d stop doing.

Is it possible there’s a good reason why I’m still doing this? Is it possible I’m not stupid or crazy? I can say I’m passionate. That’s a good thing. Unless of course my passion is keeping me working at something I should have let go of a long time ago.

What specifically is this thing I’m working at? Helping and supporting people in grief. I’ve thought many times I need a different goal because people in grief don’t want help. They don’t want to feel better. They’re afraid of feeling better. But that’s not 100% true.

There are times when all those things are true. But there are other times when they are feeling desperately alone, misunderstood, scared, forgotten, minimized, etc. They think no one can understand and so they just plough ahead all on their own. They think they have no choice.

This is where I’d like to come in. Where I’d like for them to know there are people out there who don’t want to try to fix you, make you forget, or get over your loss. They want to encourage you to remember your loved one AND live your life. They want you to know you can do both.

But reaching out to people in grief feels like walking on eggshells. They’re vulnerable.

So I rarely do it unless it’s someone I personally know. But given this is the job I’ve chosen, that system is simply NOT going to work.

And I don’t know what to do to fix it. I can’t change who I am. Maybe it’s like what Ryan Burge wrote about closing his church. My job isn’t to succeed. It’s to be faithful to what I feel called to do and let it play out however it plays out.

(P.S. I actually wrote this in January 2024 to the prompt “Giving Up.” Things are still playing out. I’m still going… like the Energizer Bunny on a secret mission. And somehow, instead of giving up, I kept doing all the things AND wrote a book. It’s coming out in October.)

I’m curious… what’s the thing you’ve stuck with that doesn’t make sense on paper, but you keep showing up anyway?

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If you feel inclined, perhaps…

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You’ll find real answers to the question of why (not just platitudes and cliches) AND a path for moving forward.

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I’m glad you’re here 😊