An Easy Way To Feel Less Anxious
Fear engulfs me in a millisecond.
It happens every time one of the kids shows the slightest sign of illness. This is life after one of your children has died.
Contrary to the doctor’s assurances, my son Jake’s wisdom tooth extraction was anything but fine. It was harrowing.
He reacted to the sedation and began throwing up the minute we got home. He couldn't keep anything down including his pain pills. So he was in pain, incredibly nauseous, and he was scared. He said multiple times in those first few days, "Mom, am I dying?" and "I don't think I'm ever going to feel better."
Jake has been amazingly healthy his entire life so he doesn't know what it feels like to be sick... making this situation feel like the end of the world.
(One of the few moments of rest on Day 1. ⤵️)
Of course the procedure was performed on Friday afternoon so I couldn’t reach anyone to give me support or advice over the weekend.
I just had to watch him suffer and keep reassuring him, “I know it feels really bad and scary but you WILL get through this. I’ll help you.” All the while shoving down the fear that was trying to take me over too.
Monday morning the doctor called in a prescription for the nausea - a suppository. Talk about adding insult to injury.😳
Jake's reaction when I explained what a suppository is - "Mom, you have GOT to be kidding me! We're NOT doing that."
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this story is to share 2 things:
1️⃣ When you've suffered a traumatic loss, fear is likely to strike harder and faster and probably feel bigger than the situation seems to warrant.
For example, I knew logically, that Jake was going to be okay. But during those first few days when he was unusually sick and not improving, my brain and body were not operating within the realm of logic. They were operating within the realm of "What if?" and "This feels so scary" and "Oh my god I cannot survive ANYTHING bad happening to him."
I struggled mightily to control these runaway thoughts that kept leading me into feeling panicked. Which brings me to the second thing.
2️⃣ An incredibly helpful tool I used throughout the ordeal was the "Double Inhale, Extended Exhale" technique I learned from Dr. Andrew Huberman.
Watch him demonstrate the method here in this YouTube:
Essentially, it's 1 BIG quick breath in through the nose, followed by a 2nd quick breath through the nose to take in any remaining air that will fit in your abdomen, followed by an extended exhale out through the nose.
Lab research has shown doing this 1-3 times significantly reduces stress
The extended exhale is vital because the exhale slows your heart rate down and calms your system
I found this simple technique truly amazing for calming my fear and anxiety.
So of course I wanted to share it with you. That way, the next time you face a stressful/scary situation, you'll have this technique in your toolbox, ready to go.
What do you do when fear and anxiety threaten to overtake you? Do you have any techniques for stress relief that you swear by? I’d love to hear how you manage situations like this.
RESOURCES
👉 If you’re feeling isolated in your grief, grief support texts can help - donation-based, no pressure, just presence.
👉 Or, if you’re craving something deeper, explore my Grief Guide program. A personal, one-on-one, writing-based journey of healing and connection. Learn more here.
Grief doesn’t come with instructions. If you’re carrying grief, or supporting someone who is, this book offers a place to start.
Don’t like recurring bills or commitment, perhaps…
I’m glad you’re here 😊
Jennifer
Fascinating